I consider baby monitors a form
of illegal wire tapping
I hope the first word I ever say
is the word "quote," so right before I die I can say "unquote."
keeping a dairy. Recently, I
was rereading it. It said:
Everybody talks to me like
I'm an idiot.
My grandpa Doug likes to give
me advice, but he's a little forgetful. Yesterday, he took me aside and
left me there.
I was born by Cesarean
section. But not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave the house,
I go out through the window.
Doctor's gave mommy and daddy
some good news. No hydrocephalus.
I turned two days old today
and I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a day. I
thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm seven days old I'll be
Likin' the new crib.
This new one is a convertible! No more hard top. I can now
feel the breeze on my scalp. They even installed some 'bling' with
this shiny new mobile.
Daddy asked me if I slept
well last night. I said no, I made a couple mistakes.
For some reason my wait staff
were a little surprised when I pulled my feeding tube out of my nose and
handed it to them. What's a brother supposed to do? I had to
sneeze. Perhaps they wanted milked to shoot out of my nose.
Soothers are good.
Where have they been hiding these things?
I got a new shadow today. I
had to get rid of the other one -- it wasn't doing what I was doing
The Doctor says I need to
pack up my stuff and get out. Apparently they are kicking me out
of Hamilton and setting me up with new digs in Kitchener.
Last night when I was asleep
someone broke into my crib and replaced everything with exact
I woke up this morning and
couldn't find my soothers, so I called information. She said they were
behind the couch. She was right
Been too busy to post much.
Trying to get the nurses trained to my feeding and bathroom schedule is
proving to be more difficult than I originally anticipated. How do these
people get into positions of authority?
Mommy and Daddy come in a see
me more. Mommy has tried to feed me, having a hard time
getting used to that.
Yet another big move.
I'm now home in Kitchener yet not yet home. My condition has been
downgraded and I'm now in Grand River Hospital.
Finally got to see Uncle Ian.
I hear he's loading up his apartment with Tonka toys.
Mommy and Daddy are finally
going to sleep at home tonight.
You know how it is when you're
reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading...and all of a
sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
I wish I was a bird. Then
my poop would be white and it would blend into my diapers.
Daddy spent an hour or so
teaching me how to give "the finger". Apparently such a colorful
metaphor comes in handy in later life as it is a large part of this thing
they refer to as "driving". Guess I'll have a leg up on the rest of
the kids in daycare on that one.
Learned another interesting
lesson today; "The colder the examination table, the more of your body is required
to be on it."
Grammy and Grampy Stewart stopped
by for a visit. They're a lot shorter than I pictured them.
Grampy asked Daddy if I had
farted yet. Taking that as my queue I laid one out that curled the
plastic walls of the crib. Grampy called me "Grasshopper" right after
that. I'm beginning to think that the problem with this gene pool is
that there is no lifeguard.
Discovered G-Mail last night. Mom
left my dinner at home in the fridge. Unkie and Grampy brought it to
the hospital for me. Then Grampy appeared at the nursery.
My milk came by Grampy Mail!
Handed the morning duty nurse my
second feeding tube and they've gone and strapped me with another one.
Drinking out of the bottle now.
I'm up to 20ml of milk per meal. Ironically that is exact same
amount of milk it takes for my daddy to throw up into his rubber boots.
What a wuss. They wonder why I cry.
Mommy said that Daddy is her
trophy husband. Apparently she didn't come in in First place.
Grammy, Grampy, and Daddy gave
Unkie more pictures to post.
I was watching the Blue Jays game
with my Grampy. The other team hit a grand slam. They showed the instant replay.
He thought they scored another four runs. I was gonna tell him, but I
figured the game HE was watching was better.
Hanging around with twenty sick
babies. I wasn't getting much attention from the nurses till Daddy
snapped. Now I'm getting some attention around here.
Woke up this morning and took a
Finally mastered this peeing and
pooping thing. When you weigh as much as I do peeing out four ounces
and havin' two poops in one session is draining!!
They brought me some forms to
fill out today. One the first form under the part that said, "In Case Of
Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
They set me up with an
appointment in Hamilton next week. The doctor wants to check out the
old ticker. There's something about being born with a hole in your heart
that gets your on the top of the waiting list.
Daddy told me the other day that
they weren't sure I was 'under construction' those nine months ago.
Apparently the first pregnancy test came back negative. Then they figured
that Mommy should pee on the second one. I look at Mommy, I looked at Daddy
and then I wept openly.
Day Sixteen (Update provided by
Little dude now eats from a
bottle on a semi-regular basis.
Can grunt and poop within a
Last night at bath time took
diaper off rocked a wicked poop sound effects and all followed by a pee, all
this immediately after taking his diaper off. On a side note diapers are
absorbent from the outside as well. Terri couldn't stop laughing.
Day Seventeen (another
post by the old man)
So, Jr. decided to see if he
would take an entire bottle from us. Tried for around 30 min to feed it to
him he drinks 5ml. He has a death grip on the bottle so much so that his
bottom lip turns purple and his chin is going red. Decide he's done and put
him in bed. In bed his eyes pop open, I stuff the bottle in his face and he
drinks 3/4 of it before actually falling asleep.
All of the babies in my ward are
insane. The kid beside me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The
girl across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing
gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down
everything in the store."
Grampy makes me stand in a closet
for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
Off to Hamilton tomorrow to get
the ticker checked out
Though less I am less than three
weeks old my first words were caught on tape!
CLICK HERE FOR THE FOOTAGE!
Well, the Ding-a-lings, I mean
Doctors, in Hamilton tell me that once they get my medication straightened
up and I beef up a bit I can blow this pop stand and go home.
The Doctors tell me I have one
extra tiny hole that isn't a big deal, classic
ASVD. So the
plan is to make me big and strong for surgery in 4-6 months
The baby beside me said to me; he
said, "Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes." I'm like," Dude. You gotta give
me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in
Mommy and Me had our picture
taken for a nursing magazine that is trying to attract more people to
nursing. The nurses in the nursery now call me "The Movie Star". (link
will be provided when available)
I wear a necklace now because I
like to know when I'm upside down.
I tried to freshen up a room, so
I held a Certs in front of a fan.
I passed my car seat test today.
What did you do? Apparently sitting in place for ninety minutes is a
characteristic I've inherited from Grampy and Unkie. I am told however
that they need to be in the bathroom and multiple issues of Popular
Mechanics may be involved. I hear Unkie is the only one of us whom
wouldn't nod off for a nap or two.
I hate it when my foot falls
asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
I'm going home
There I am in my bedroom
I'm safe and snug and snoring and
so glad to be here
I'm going home
None of this ever happened
But God, I really did it
Still nothing has changed
I'm going home
I'm going home
To my own room to all the mess
To all the dirty laundry
It looks so good I don't care
I'm just so glad to be back home
Apparently I have an older
brother and an older sister. I don't see my big brother much as Daddy
put up a gate to keep him from entering my room and peeing on the floor.
Seems like an odd way to treat a fella's bedroom if you ask me.
Apparently he now pees in a box in the basement. He's not one much for
communications in fact I don't believe he responds to verbal commands at
all. He does casually and coolly walk over to me on all four of his
feet then he usually gives me a disapproving sniff, leaves and then naps for
hours on end. My sister also walks around here on all four of her feet
and the more I think about it the more logical that seems having that lower
center of gravity, I must try that when I get a bit older. Back to my
sister, she likes to yell at EVERYTHING that comes to, or she thinks comes
to, the front door. I believe she must in charge of security.
She is a little more communicative then my brother, she'll sniff me, give me
a lick and then go chew on a bone. I have some very odd, very furry
Unkie dropped by the house today.
He felt compelled to hold me for over an hour and all I wanted to do was
sleep. So, I pooped on him.
Mom and Dad were a little
stressed that I didn't want my 8:30 bottle too terribly badly so, I made up
for it with the 11:30 bottle by sucking 'er down in record time.
Perhaps pooping on Unkie is the key to developing a good hunger.
Woke up this morning and found an
1000 watt, 5.1 Surround Sound Home Theater and HDTV with satellite hooked up
in my room. DAMN! I thought I caught a glimpse of a fat bastard in a red
suit slipping out of my room.
Grammy and Grampy dropped by.
I was passed around like a jar of hard candy at an old folks home.
I'm kinda tired. I was up all
night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and
painted passing lines on curved roads.
Completed another trip to the
Doctor's office and I weighed in a 8.8 lbs
It took five alleged "health
care professionals" one and a half hours and six attempts to draw three
vials of blood from me. At least I didn't pass-out at the sight of
blood like one if the sissies to whom I am related. I won't embarrass
him by mentioning his name but his initials are D.a.d.d.y.
Couldn't sleep very well in the
crib last night so snuck out my bedroom window and fell asleep in the
satellite dish. My dreams showed up on TVs all over the world.
I think "Uncle" is Latin for "to
poop on". Mine has held me twice and I pooped on him both times.
Coincidence? I think not!
I was sad because I had no shoes,
until I met a baby who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not
My first official smile. A
real smile. It wasn't gas and it wasn't prompted by Daddy's hurting
himself, which will make anyone laugh.
Yesterday I found out what
doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes
together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.
I knew something was up when
Grandma Bonnie mysteriously appeared. They told me I was going in for
"the big snip". I later learned they were not referring to a haircut.
Ever hear that joke about the Priest and the Rabbi that buy a car and the
Rabbi celebrates by cutting a quarter of an inch off of the tail pipe?
Yeah. That kind of snip....
My Grammy gave me a watch. It
doesn't have any hands or numbers. She says it's very accurate. I asked her
what time it was. You can guess what she told me.
Daddy and I like to fill my tub
up with water, then turn the shower on and then act like we're in a
submarine that's been hit
Forgot to mention, up three
pounds now. I am now 9lbs and 11 ozs
Last time I went to the movies I
was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession
stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a Bar-B-Que in a long
Where does a baby begin?
Today's baby is busier than any baby of any other era. There are home
nurses, doctor's visits, visiting people at work, and people constantly
stopping by, I need an iPhone just to keep my damn appointments
straight. I'll bet you that way back in the ancient days, like I'm
talking, the "1980s" ancient, babies were born in the field and right after
the birth daddy went right back to hunting dinosaurs and mommy kept on
Found out that the
Regional Down Syndrome Society gets money from collecting Zehrs tapes.
So save your Zehrs tapes and get them to Mommy, Daddy or Unkie. How hard can
Grammy and Grampy were over to
the house the other day. Daddy made a Grammy a cake. Grammy was
celebrating the quinquagenary anniversary of her seventeenth birthday even
though her actual birthday is on Halloween. Get this, Grammy, her evil twin
sister and their father were all born on Halloween.
Actually got out of the house on
Monday. Took a big car ride out to the booming metropolis of New
Hamburg to visit Unkie at work. Unkie must have done something right
at work for a change because the guy that runs the place donated $500 to the
Waterloo Regional Down Syndrome Society in my honour! Can you believe
that? The donation made Mommy and Grammy cry and maybe Unkie too but
only just a little bit cause guys don't cry, it's not cool. Afterwards we
went to visit Daddy at work in Waterloo.
Unkie made me smile by making me
do "Rubber Baby".
The Stones, I love the Stones. I
watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Unkie stopped by to play with me
today on his way home from work. He fed me, burped me and I barfed on
him. We then played a little more and I fell asleep on him in a
comfortably unique position. Pictures below.
Since Last Update
Doctors tested my hearing and I
passed the hearing test. As the doctors tell me; "Sixty to 80% of
children with Down syndrome have hearing deficits."
Have to throw a shout out to the
people at "Magnussen Home".
You see, Unkie works there and at the behest of mommy and daddy, Unkie put a
box in Magnussen's lunchroom for collecting Zehrs tapes. (As noted
Regional Down Syndrome Society gets money from collecting Zehrs tapes).
Anyhow, Unkie has found the box packed pretty much every week, bundles of
tapes on his desk and an once 8.5 x 11" manila envelope filled to 3/4" thick
with tapes. To that I say a heartfelt "Thank You".
I didn't know it then, but
looking back, in hindsight, I realize that when I was younger I could see
into the future. Now I'm getting all my premonitions as flashbacks!
Unkie brought me some exercise
equipment. (See pictures below). I now I have a nice, big, flat
turtle I can lay on when I'm doing my head lifting exercises. Also got
a Reindeer ('Tis the season) and a Seal. Not sure what there are for.
The good folks at KidsAbility
told mommy and Daddy that I am "on track" and a little bit a head of some
non-Down's babies (ha! take that!)
Grammy, Grumpy and Grandma Hilda
have been up multiple times recently and we've gone out for dinner each
time. The first time I was stripped nekkid on the table and dressed up
like Santa Claus (see picture above). The second time I was dressed up
with a string of flashing coloured lights like a Christmas tree (see below).
I'm sure this is some kind of abuse.